You're My Angel
by Dark Lady of the Night
Summary: Chas died and Constantine pines for him but is he alone in his grief for what never happened and what should have. Some think Constantine has the ear of too many angels rated M for Constantine and his dirty thoughts.


Disclaimer : Bonjour Mon ami, I do not own Constantine or Chas, I do not Own "Angel" Aerosmith owns that and they might hurt me If I say that I do. This is a double whammy first for me. This is my first m/m fic and the first song fic I have ever written so please be kind when you R&R. **  
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**You're My Angel**

Darkness, Darkness was all around he knew this better than anyone, had experienced it first hand. He sat in utter darkness it mirrored the blackness around his heart of ice. He couldn't sleep anymore, hadn't done so in a week. The gum wasn't doing it for him, he wanted no scratch that he needed a cigarette. He had five left in the night stand beside his bed, deftly he reached over and pulled one out and a lighter. He flicked the lighter creating a red flash in the dark of his bedroom that died, just like Chas. Chas' life had been a flash in the darkness of the world.

"Fuck." He was thinking about the kid again. It was too late to be thinking about him he was gone. "Damn it!" Constantine swore mentally. He need to get his mind off this. He flipped on a tiny radio that had taken up residence on his night stand. Chas had been the only one to use it. Constantine had bought it at the kid's request actually. He swore it was broke all he could hear was dead air no pun intended. He flicked his cigarette in irritation, just as he was about to hit the fucking machine music began to play it was definitely a rock song.

"_I'm alone." _

"No shit," he said.

"_Yeah I don't know if I can face the night."_

"I'm awake aren't I!" he exclaimed.

"_I'm in tears and the cryin that I do is for you."_

"If I could cry," thought Constantine.

"_I want your love - Let's break the walls between us, Don't make it tough - I'll put away my pride, Enoughs enough I've suffered and I've seen the light."_

John listened more intently as he finished his cigarette and laid down.

"_Baby, You're my angel, Come and save me tonight, You're my angel, Come and make it all right." _

he shut his eyes and relived every moment he'd ever spent in the cab with Chas.

"_Don't know what I'm gonna do, About this feeling inside, Yes it's true - Loneliness took me for ride, Without your love - I'm nothing but a beggar, Without your love - A dog without a bone, What can I do I'm sleeping in this bed alone."_

A knife with Chas' name on it pierced Constantine's heart. His Chas was gone. The only sign that John felt anything was the grimace that appeared on his face.

"_You're my angel, Come and save me tonight, You're my angel, Come and make it all right."_

He couldn't deal with this shit he couldn't deal with it when Chas was alive. He'd never let Chas come to help with an exorcism, he'd never told him why and now he never would.

"_You're the reason I live, You're the reason I die, You're the reason I give when I break down and cry, Don't need no reason why."_

Nobody knew Constantine had cried it was the first he had in a very long time, at the funeral he'd been stoic it all seemed so wrong, so very wrong but real all the same. When he'd gotten home he started hitting the whiskey hard, he was surprised he hadn't gotten alcohol poisoning, Constantine had cried so much that his eyes were red and bloodshot all the next day.

"_Baby, Baby, You're my angel, Come and save me tonight, You're my angel, Come and make it all right." _

As the song faded John Constantine rolled over onto his side, he suddenly felt the weeks exhaustion catching up with him, vaguely he heard the announcer say that the song was called "Angel".

What did John Constantine care his angel was gone and he could never get him back.

John Constantine bolted awake the next morning he hadn't even been aware that he'd fallen asleep, he felt like he had a hangover but he hadn't drank much the night before. He usually drank much more. A frown creasing his features he got up and begin to dress. Today would be his first exorcism without Chas driving him there. Chas had always drove him where he needed to go. Constantine made sure to pocket his chewing gum he was sure to need it. He woodenly made his way downstairs and hailed a taxi as he neared the curb. He got in and muttered the address to the Cabby who answered,

"You got it Pal." There was a long awkward silence of five minutes till the Cabby asked "Mind if I turn on the radio Buddy?" John answered by shaking his head in the negative he was in the middle of a nicotine attack, the cab smelled strongly of nothing but cigarettes and booze. John heard the audible click of the radio being turned on.

"_I want your love - Let's break the walls between us, Don't make it tough - I'll put away my pride, Enoughs enough I've suffered and I've seen the light."_

John's face reddened a few shades than normal, "Fuck!" he was blushing. John rubbed his knee absently as the song continued. Thankfully the driver didn't notice, Constantine didn't feel like making small talk with nosy Cab Driver. The song was fading as he exited the Cab throwing a few bills on the seat.

"Keep the change," he clipped out. Constantine stormed up the three flights of stairs to where his appointment was waiting. Hours later John Constantine stormed out irate. The exorcism was long and gruelling but what had gotten John was that when it was all over. The television which had been on the entire time suddenly went on-location to a concert in New York that featured Aerosmith, their words flared over the speakers,

"_You're the reason I live, You're the reason I die, You're the reason I give when I break down and cry, Don't need no reason why."_

John had left claiming the exorcism on the house. He raised his hand to hail a taxi then changed his mind thinking it better perhaps to walk home

Constantine knew something was different the minute he stood in front of his door. He opened it cautiously the silence was deafening as he walked in. But it was then that he realized it wasn't so silent in his apartment.

"Good evening everybody this is Jonesy coming at you from the Flap 105.9." The D.J. prattled but more than the radio had caught John's attention. On the counter beside the fridge was the hat, Chas' hat, the very one he'd placed in the casket himself. It was perched there as if Chas had left hurriedly only a few moments before John had arrived. Then words pierced through to John Constantine's iced brain,

"_I'm alone, Yeah I don't know if I can face the night, I'm in tears and the cryin that I'm doing is for you."_

He was going to Midnite's Now!

John stormed into the club after knocking the bouncer senseless again. The moment he saw Midnite he saw red, one minute Midnite was a few feet away from him and the next he had Midnite by the lapels up against the wall.

"Tell me Midnite! Tell me now and don't give me any of this tipping the balance shit," growled Constantine.

"For an exorcist with the sight you see nothing at all," he said tiredly." John dropped Midnite as though he'd burned him. John looked at Midnite Questions flying out of the pools of his eyes. Midnite sighed and continue, "John you know more than anyone the eyes play tricks and so do the ears. Know with your soul, feel with your heart and give of your own worth."

"Fuck you Midnite," he answered.

"Is that not what you intended to do with Chas?" he asked softly. Constantine spluttered at Midnite, someone had finally ribbed him of his words, Midnite chuckled a bit obviously finding Constantine's predicament funny. Midnite continued, "Go home John everything comes full circle." John looked indecisive for a moment but then for once in his life he followed the advice he was given. John Constantine stuffed his hands in his pockets and turned to begin his trek walking home. He barely saw anything on his way to the apartment everything blurred all he could think about was Chas. Midnite hadn't really given him what he wanted but neither had he turned him away. He'd given him a riddle which pissed Constantine off. Grudgingly he climbed the stairs his footfalls heavy and his soul weary. He unlocked and threw open his door. He didn't know what he was trying to accomplish with that, maybe trying to catch the hat moving because it sure as Hell wasn't in the same place he'd last seen it. Now it was perched smartly on the window sill. Neat as you please. Constantine walked in and slammed the door behind him. He was at the windowsill in three strides he picked up the hat and was about to chuck it out the window in a fit of rage, but then he cradled it it in his right hand while the tip of the index finger on the left hand caressed the beak in a feather light touch. He lovingly set it back on the windowsill in the same position from which he'd it up. He braced his hands on the windowsill on either side of the hat and stared out into the night. John Constantine shut his eyes and hung his head.

"I'm sorry Chas, I should have told you how I felt, I should have told you to stay with the fucking car," John sighed. A noise behind him made him jump and spin around. He saw nothing yet was positive he had heard something.

"Chas," he ventured softly. Nothing moved and there was no sound in John Constantine's apartment. Midnite's words came back to him he had said that the eyes and ears deceive. John turned back around and resumed his position at the windowsill.

"For an exorcist with the sight you see nothing at all." Again Midnite's words haunted him but Constantine smiled fondly and shut his eyes again.

"Feel with the soul huh, Midnite know with my heart, okay let's play this shit your way."

John bowed his head and started thinking about Chas' heart and soul. He knew the kid loved ice cream, and had read more books on the occult than anyone else he knew. Would the kid have loved him back had Constantine had the guts to tell him. Ah what the fuck did it matter Chas had been beautiful, was beautiful body, soul, and heart. All he had wanted was for John Constantine to pay him some attention and he hadn't even done that. John's soul ached, it ached for what it could not have.

"I needed you Chas, I still need you, I always will." Velvet hands slid up John Constantine's sides caressing around to the front. No words were spoken as the hands locked themselves into fists clutching Constantine's shirt front. A body moulded itself to his back. A cheek was pressed softly between John's shoulder-blades as the other person sighed in contentment. He had definitely heard that. They stayed like that for several minutes. John thought if he moved he would find himself in a hallucination.

"Chas I," before he could get any further the left hand embedded in his shirt let go and disappeared then John felt two index fingers caress the shape of his mouth then lay themselves over his lips. Chas wanted him to stay silent. Just then all sensation disappeared he was about to protest when he heard,

"_Baby." _Chas had turned on the radio and then Constantine felt arms this time snaking around his mid-section from the front and then lips feathered down over his. Just as the contact began it was broken Chas was pushing him backwards, his knees ht something and he fell backwards landing in the softness of the bed. Chas went with him landing weightlessly on top of John.

"_Don't know what I'm gonna do, About this feeling inside, Yes it's true Loneliness took me for a ride." _John didn't dare open his eyes but his hands found their way to Chas' waist. Chas simply reached down grasped both of them in his own interlacing the fingers in his own and pinning them on either side John's head, then John felt the sensuous slide of Chas' lips on his own dimly John heard,

"_You're my angel, Come and save me tonight, You're my angel, Come and make it all right."_

The next day an anonymous caller directed police and paramedics to the apartment above the bowling alley. When they arrived on the scene they were baffled. He lay in his bed untouched, no blood, no evidence of foul play. He was naked his groin area covered only be the barest amount of sheet possible while his arms were laid out wide palms up in supplication. As if this wasn't puzzling enough the rest of the sheets had been laid out behind his arms to resemble wings and for those present it was the first time they had seen a dead man smiling.


End file.
